cents

no matter how harsh the truth is, i can handle it. but i dont like feeling like im being lied to or played…

Cents

4Mar 2012

Love shouldn’t hurt they say, but then again every rule has an exception, at least this time it does. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel the word everyone is making a big fuss about, so then I wouldn’t get hurt. Love is probably the most pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It’s really not all it’s cracked up to be. Half the time you’d just be crying, the other half wiping the tears, in between a few smiles. I used to think that when you’re in love, you’d hear the birds singing but the only thing I heard was the hollow echo in my being. I thought the sky would turn blue but it turned gray and rained on me. I thought that my eyes would be sparkling with joy but it only glistened with the tears. 

Cents

4Mar 2012

I really felt so numb, like I’ve cried all I could and was gonna be okay as long as I could stop myself from thinking about it, like it wouldn’t hurt so much for any longer. I had subsided the feelings, pushed them as deep as I could and distracted myself with whatever I could… Trying not to know what you’re doing, where you are and who you’re with. But whenever I login to my account and happened to see your updates on my social feed after trying to avoid clicking on your page… It kills me. It kills me to see how perfectly fine you are after letting your words kill me over and over again.. I’m trying to forget about everything, about what happened, and maybe about us.. but worst-case scenarios play and your words haunt my head and stabbed my heart all over again. I think about what went wrong, and all the insecurities I have to deal.. And how you refused to hear me out when I needed to voice out my unhappiness while I listened to your concerns. It discourages me to move on with you. I’m torn… this time.